Change of Plans

For the longest time I have had my heart set on graduation; however, as the end is quickly approaching, I have realized my fears are mcuh more prevalent. I am very worried for the unknown factor of this next chapter in my life. It is not as much of a scared or unprepared worried feeling, it is more of an excited and intrigued worried. I know ever since I decided where I wanted to go to school next year, I felt like I had outgrown Beulah and high school as a whole. I think I am trying to speed things up too fast. We only have so many days left in this school, it took me until just this morning to see how fast my life will change. This is all I have ever known in life. Living with my family, going to school and work, and enjoying time with friends around town; this is all going to change. Don't get me wrong, I still am quite thrilled to be moving on. It just dawned on me how soon this is all going to occur. My mother and I had a conversation this morning about career and college life and BAM! Just like that it hit me.
All my so called "future" plans, can change in a second! I recieved a letter in the mail today giving me more information on Geology. I thought I had my standards set to become a physical therapist, but geology could definately be a career for me as well. I love the hands on opportunity of the job and it is something I am going to ponder over the summer.
My whole point here is to not grow up too fast. I know we all get this same lecture over and over again throughout our lives, but please take the words of wisdom. Spend time being a teenager and a kid. We all are growing up soo fast. The rest of life is dedicated to working, so why over stress it now. I wish I could go back and take my own advice because I missed out on alot over these past years. I would work on nights every one wanted off; I thought it would make me a better employee. It did, but it also made me much more mature than I would like sometimes.

Balance for Spring Time

balance (bal uhns): finding a mental, physical, and concrete state of equilibrium.
One of the biggest struggles I am constantly in touch with is my scheduling. Things typically get chaotic during the Spring anyways; however, this year my sense of balance is totally getting thrown out of whack. Usually I am able to adjust and fluctuate my life in order to keep everything flowing.  Lately, the list just keeps on adding up. My balance is not working well this Spring. I know I shouldn't complain because everyone is in the same boat. With our Winter taking up such a great percentage of the year, all of the scheduling has been thrown off. I am just feeling behind lately. Physically, I am not behind or struggling; it just feels like everything I am involved in are going down hill. I think our state as a whole just needs some sunshine rays. The lack of vitamin c in the atmosphere around here is seriously taking a toll on our community. I don't want to stereotype, but it seems like we are just on a low end of the rainbow. We see the gold coins at the other side, just cannot get there.
I don't mean to be a complete downer, but I think this emotion is around all of us this season. With Spring life getting put on hold, I feel like we are all lacking the strive to continue as we usually would. I know with sports getting postponed, cancelled, and rescheduled I just get sad. I am not a full time athletic participant; however, I am still involved with these activities. I am so ready for the sunshine to be full on. I don't have any advice for keeping positive attitudes during this time. Nevertheless, this is all out of our control. The predicament before us is nothing we can change. I hope we can all find a way to fit it all in. I understand with work, school, and sports it is hard to find an equilibrium to function when we are not feeling as we typically would.
I know personally, I am ready for summer and sports to be in full swing. It could definitely be my senior-i-tis kicking in. With graduation right around the corner, I am quite ready to begin again. Still, I am lacking the balance in my life. Everything has been pushed into the month of May, so I am getting very overwhelmed with the situation. But, I am still sticking to the idea that everyone is feeling ready for some rays. Hopefully, Mother Nature will grant this to us within the next couple of weeks.

Who is to say when it is too much?

We all have seen the crime shows on television. CSI, Snapped, Forensic Files, Bones, and Killer Couples  are all aired on local cable channels. These shows are wonderful thrillers! But they also are an inside look to a criminal's mind. I am a huge follower of any sort of forensics. I love the science behind it, so these types of shows are typically at the top of my queue. However, I do think the media releases an excessive amount of information to the general public.
The strategies lab workers use and the weapons used is quite revealing. I understand some is public knowledge and it is illegal to not give accurate information, but i think this should be double checked before the shows air. Not saying I am going to go out and commit a crime, but if I was ever planning it, I could easily figure out how. By studying a wide variety of real life crimes and made up television shows, I do believe I could get away with whatever type of crime I desired. These types of shows tell the public what the police and different investigators are looking for at a crime. They also tell you what types of materials to wear that are "bulletproof" to their investigations.
By being so interested I this type of field I love to be able to get all the details. Like a sponge, I soak up the information and always dig into what I watch. But, that also means any average person can also look into these small facts or details. For me, this is great; however, I think for airing on television, it is too much. Anyone who is maybe thinking of committing a crime could easily do their research and be good to go.
As much as it hurts me to say, our system has loopholes. By showing such information on cable channels, I think we are allowing our criminals to find  and use them to their benefit. Maybe I am wrong and just over analyzing the whole situation, but after the Boston bombing I think this is something our government should take into serious consideration.

Easter Sermon or Political Lesson

I am going to try and be as non-political and non-religious as possible. However, part of our assignment with these blogs is to share about something that we have emotions towards. Well here is what has been on my mind: the whole debate over gay marriages or civil unions. I am not going to sit here and pound any beliefs into anyone's head. I am just simply stating how I feel and other things that have domino'ed because of it...

          Easter Sunday my mom thought it would be a great idea to attend church as an extended family. I loved the idea and naturally so did all the cousins. However, the early start to the sunrise service did not bother me a bit after I really started to listen in on the sermon. I was expecting to hear the same story we get to experience every year. Not that it is a bad story! Since that is the reason for the whole Easter celebration I find it beneficial to get a quick reminder, and that is what I had expected to hear about. I couldn't have been more wrong! The sermon had nothing to do with Easter at all, but more of a biblical vision towards gay marriage? I was appalled. Of all things we could have a sermon on, this was what was decided upon. Interesting. I am not going to preach about this because I do feel that every person has their own beliefs and I do not want to offend anyone. I am still just confused and shocked towards why this subject is being brought up on the extremely important Christian holiday?

This event took me by surprise and totally keeps me questioning. I wonder why the pastor chose this particular week to dig into this topic. Maybe he wanted to leave an impression, or thought he could really connect to people's lives away from church? In all honesty I am still unsure. If anything, I have to congratulate him because he definitely had a memorable topic and sermon. Still though, I do not totally agree or disagree with what he had to say. I am just sharing this experience and trying to better understand the whole situation.

After it all, I still do not know how I feel about the political aspect of this whole debate. However, my eyes have been opened to a new side of the story and I feel I will one day be better able to chose a side based on this experience. I know how I personally stand on this subject, but I feel that small-town North Dakota doesn't have much of an opinion as other areas where acts like this are more common. Yet, I do not know if a church is the place to discuss such matters, but this is just my take on the situation. My vision may be slightly clouded from my worldly experiences, but that is why everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.

The Operation that Changed Me

Literature poses no interest to me. The thought of dissecting a story makes my whole body cringe. Throughout all of my English classes, we have done plenty of surgeries to the major works. Shakespeare, Mark Twain, and Robert Frost’s pieces all have been read and torn apart with worksheets and discussion periods. It is fair to say I tried to be interested. However; my interest has gone farther down hill with every year that passes, until we dug into Hills Like White Elephants…

Beginning this piece my enthusiasm was at an all time low. I could not bear the thought of another major operation. We start by discussing what we know with the class about our next patient, Hemingway’s piece. Then we slowly cut away layer by layer and page by page. We discuss treatment options and different ways the story could be interpreted. Finally, we each make our own recommendation to the patient about our thoughts and understandings. Together, we offer a cure and explanation. The process is monotonous and boring. However, something different about this patient struck my attention. No background story was given, nor the intention to provide such information. To understand this tricky patient we had to dig deep into the space between the lines.

By asking my fellow surgeons how to interpret the work, we found the meaning and unlocked the mystery. None of us could have done it alone. The key was to read like a professor and look at the objects each word could represent. Incredible. I am still in a state of disbelief from this whole whirlwind. It did not start to sink in until I was sitting at church and our pastor started to describe the hidden messages in the scriptures. Everything was clearing up. The foggy lies I had believed about Literature were no more.

I am now very interested in dissecting any more patients possible. It is amazing to me what the author can say, without using the words. I hope to become this excited every time a new patient is presented before me. My excitement for this career has skyrocket from one author’s will to take a risk. I am so grateful for the opportunity to understand this piece and journey farther into many more.

Keeping Traditions Alive

Kootchen? No wait. Kuchen. Yes the German dessert. I must be a tad bit dyslexic because for the majority of my life I have been pronouncing it wrong, but that is beside the point. I have tried this dish numerous different times but my family has never made it homemade. My mom and I were out for our Sunday stroll to Bronson's when we discovered this wonderful treat for sale. Quite thrilled with the find, we immediately purchased the kuchen and took it home for the taste test. Sadly, it was not as good as I remembered, so my amusement level quickly dropped. Our only hope is now to attempt baking our own.
Trying recipe after recipe on the internet also proved to be a fail. We were seriously struggling with the consistency and our flavor was a little too salty. So that brought us to the last resort: calling the 90 year old full-blooded German neighbor and beg her to teach us. Reluctantly, she accepted and we made an afternoon out of the deal. Not knowing what to expect, my mom and I patiently watched the clock until it was time for Ester to arrive. Three o'clock comes and not a moment later the door bell is ringing. My emotions run wild hoping we are successful with this final attempt to make the delicious dessert.
By five thirty it has turned into quite the productive day. We completed two peach kuchen, two strawberry rhubarb kuchen, three cottage cheese kuchen, and one pan of caramel rolls. It was not an easy day. Ester was quite particular with her recipe and the order in which everything must happen; however, her knowledge of the craft was remarkable. I am so thrilled we spent the day baking. I now have the memories and brains to replicate the recipe and pass it on to the next generation as well as share it with my family now.
I never really thought not knowing how to bake kuchen could be detrimental, but to put it in perspective, a whole part of our history could have easily just been erased. Without Ester's help my mom and I would never have tried to create kuchen again. It is extremely sad neither one of us ever took the time to learn how before. I am very grateful for this experience. It has shown me how important a simple recipe can become with time and age.

Senior Stresses : /

Every person has different things that make them stressed: school, jobs, friends, or even family. However, I think there comes a point in everyone's lives where they get overwhelmed with it all. Senior year of high school. This is not a huge monumental deal to some adults who have already been through it, but at the time I think it would be safe to bet that every senior has a whole new view of a "stressful situation."
Not only do we manage the daily balance of life, but then added to our scale is scholarships, senior pictures, parents, graduation planning, and college. None of these things are stressful when handled individually. It is simply for the reason that they all pile on together! A busy day for me used to mean I had to go to school, work, and eventually squeeze in time for an algebra assignment. Now a hectic schedule is much more complex. I don't think that many people understand how much pressure is being placed upon high school. Older and more mature adults have a much better idea of the world and how life will work out. When thrown a fastball, the adults can easily swing and send it flying into the outfield. Personally, right now, I find myself just shying away from the batting box hoping to just get struck out so I can get back into my saftety zone. High school. The dugout.
Right now we are all at the top of the totem pole. Under teachers, we are the next best thing. When I was younger I could not be more excited for this role. Now that I am here I have a whole new outlook on the situation. I still am very excited for high school to end and to begin my college career, but all the extra stress has really taken a toll on my sleeping habits. Due dates have never been a problem for me, but scholarships seem to take on a whole new level of priority.
I am not intending to scare any one away or get the nerves jittering. I simply am saying to enjoy your time in school and don't try to just race through to graduation day! The memories that are being made around us each and every day are special, but they are usually overlooked. I wish I would've taken the time to relax and soak everything in from these past four years. Yes, senior year is going to be a big deal to anyone going through it, but like everything else in life: it is just a stage. I hope that by watching what the upperclassmen juggle on an everyday occasion people will start to realize how monumental this occasion really is. Graduation. A whole new aspect of life is just a few short months away. I by no means am ready, but I have learned that by starting college I am ending my high school. This realization has come quite suddenly recently. I hope to slow down and take things one day at a time. Soak it all in and handle the stress with a smile. It will be over all too soon...

Interior Designing at its BEST

"Can we fix it? Yes we can!" Bob the Builder's theme song repeats in my head as I watch my parents tear apart and reconstruct almost anything imaginable. We have numerous rental properties, so fixing up houses has somewhat become my night job. I have helped take down, put back up, plaster, and paint more walls than I would like to admit to. As a family we have become quite efficient in the whole remodeling process; however, usually at our rentals. Our house is not brand new, and it could easily be upgraded in some areas. But I am not complaining! I think that every imperfection makes a memory. I love how comforting our house is and I wouldn't change anything if the opportunity was presented.
It was not until my father recently got laid off at the mine that he started to pay more attention to our house. With all of his free time all of the little projects are starting to get checked off our massive to-do list. His most recent victim was our shower. Tiling? I arrive home from school and to my surprise our newest renters pickup sits gleaming in the sunlight outside our front porch. I curiously walk inside and find a cloud of dust settling over every available object in the house. The familiar noise of sledge hammers and destruction rings through my eardrums. Oh great, not this again. I subconsciously think about all of Dad's "projects" that had horrible endings...
I open the bathroom door, inhaling all the dust from our shower that is no more. Through the clouded room, I quietly approach the crime scene.  Yikes! Our shower has been completely demolished! Realizing a workable shower is most definitely a must, I frantically think of how long I will have to wait until I can bathe again. Gross. The calendar days zoom by in my head. Impossible. Certain things in life can be used as luxuries; however, I do not believe a shower is one of them! Doubting my father's handiwork I leave the bathroom without a word and quickly call my relatives in town. Relief floods through my body once I hear I have permission to use their cleaning facilities whenever I need...
This incident occurred a week and a half ago. I am extremely thankful to say he is almost finished with this project  and it is looking better than anyone could have imagined. The learning experience was remarkable! I am quite thrilled my Dad decided to tackle this job. I will admit, I had some huge doubts for him. But I am pleased to say it will be tentatively completed on Thursday! Bob the Builder pulls through once again for my family. Not only can we FIX it, we can TILE it.

Students and Teachers...and now Parents too?

Electronic grade books are no longer a nifty gadget imagined for the future. Students and parents now have the opportunity to check their attendance history or grades from any class. This allows the student to be aware of where they are grade point average and how they are ranking on a personal record. At first the thought of this was overwhelming and a new idea I quickly shot down. However, as time has passed I have come to adore the idea of being on top of my grades and in touch with the teachers if an issue is present. 

Powerschool has been around long enough now to where I can easily operate and manage the site. After some time I have found some flaws with this electronic device. As a concerned student, I admit to having access to this website every day whenever I desire. Personally, I love this feature. I am able to keep tabs on my grades and follow up with every paper I ever hand in. But this site is also available to any parent. I believe this is where the issue arises. Some overprotective mentors take advantage of this opportunity and step over the boundary and abuse the system. 

With technology advancing at the rate it is, the ease of access is incredible. Parents can have notifications sent to their phone and any other device. This can lead to overbearing guardians to assume the best for their child and head strait for the teachers with any issue that becomes present on the students behalf. In a sense this could be a perfect system, but in other ways it completely reverses the point of having a Powerschool account.

I do believe that the students should be able to have access to these sites, but I think it is going too far to allow parents to have this same responsibility. Students should have the option to keep track of their grades as they please. The teachers put their papers into a grade book anyways, so putting them into an electronic file only seems to make sense. But this is a private thing and should be only kept between the student and teacher. Children on average spend five days a week in school! This is time spent away from parents and bonding with the administration. Granted all students do not bond with their teachers, but their profile should still be kept personal. This is a situation where the parents are out of the loop and not involved. 

I am not saying that students shouldn't develop a relationship with their parents and share their grades; however, I think it should be an option not a forced action. If a student has a personal relationship with their guardians they will talk about their grades somehow or another. Powerschool just gives them the chance to step over their bounds and hound the school system if a mistake is made. I find this website to have more negatives rather than positives. 

Powerschool is a brilliant resource for students and teachers. They can connect on this site and view the grade book at any moment. But that is where I find the issue, it should be between the students and the teachers. Creating a triangle of events by incorporating the parents is just asking for trouble.

Valentine's Day?...again

The adolescent obsession over giving away anonymous gifts of various types of candy attached to a secret love note is mind boggling to me. I just do not understand the concept. I am always down for a mid-afternoon sugar high; however, I cannot bring myself to comprehend the logic of Valentine's Day.
I am honestly not even sure the meaning behind this silly holiday? Thanksgiving. Christmas. Easter. I completely get the meaning of those celebrations! But this lovey-dovey holiday is still a weird concept for me. If I am going to express my love for someone I would like them to at least know I was their admirer. I put all the time and thought into making them a sweet card, and then they don't even know who it was from? How does this make any sense at all!?!
As a younger student I do recall the thrill of Valentine's Day. We would take the prior week to make boxes, envelopes, or any other assortment to hold all of our sugar and love notes. Back then, it was ideal! But once we fast forward to the present, I still am at a loss for understanding. Of course the sugar has been upgraded to heart shaped boxes of chocolate, and the cute Valentine cards replaced with red or pink roses, the purpose of it all just isn't there. I am a seeker. I want to find a meaning for everything around me. So here we are...again. Why do we dedicate a special day of our calendar year to St. Valentine? If you think about it numerous people were influential in our history; however, we do not dedicate a day to them?
The only logical solution I can bring myself to is that as a whole we long for a romantic side in our lives. Daily living can get overwhelming and stressful. So to fix this awful but true situation, we dedicate February 14 to all the sappy humans of the world. A day for all of the women to indulge in arrays of chocolate creations, and the men to express their feelings to these very same women. Sounds like a pretty successful day if you ask me...
I guess in the end, the confusion and clutter is worth the happiness. I do; however, still long to find a more suitable meaning for this holiday. Making someone smile and realize they are appreciated still matters though. People don't share enough of their true emotions with each other. So if we have to dedicate a day to telling others they matter, then I suppose I can sacrifice and enjoy the tasty, sugary treats that go along with it...

All I have left is this photo...

Samantha. My Grandmother on my Mom's side of the family tree. She died shortly after my birth so my only memories of her are from the stories and photos passed down through the generations. From what I can remember, which isn't much considering my age, she was a cheerful and loving person. Whenever around, she brought a smile to the faces of her peers. She loved unconditionally, or at least that's what my Grandfather used to tell me. However, even his stories seem so long ago...
After Grandma's death everything became so distant in our family. We stopped having family holidays because the pain was better off handled alone. As a whole unit we all grew apart. The fighting between Mom and her siblings escalated to an all time high. I don't think I ever will come to understand.
As I grew up I would often ask my Mother about Grandma, but she never would give me a straight forward answer. Mom would just tell me how much it hurt to lose a parent and that one day when I was older we would talk about these touchy subjects. However, that day never did come...Mom died a few years back, taking the stories and memories with her. I was only 24 at the time, I felt like a lost orphan. Alone in the world with nothing left besides that ancient baby picture.
I never will know the forgotten stories of that baby photo. It was Grandma's. The picture I mean. Living in a less technologically advanced time Grandma only has a handful of photos from her life. Forgotten. Long forgotten are the stories that go with them. Time has tattered the edges and even misplaced most of the pictures. So now here I am 50 years later...No parents. No stories. No hints. I am clueless. All I have left is this picture. I have tried to share it with my brother and sister but they prefer to live for the future, wanting no part in our family history. I do not know where to turn or what to ask next. So instead I have cherished Grandma's picture and tried to preserve it as well as possible. It's the only connection I have to the past, my window back through history...

TraLaLa-Matic

Jingle bells. Santa Clause. Presents. All things that remind me of Christmas time. For most young children this is a time of innocence and pure joy...Special attention to the MOST young children. Not that I had horrible Christmases or a major life changing scenario presented before me, but I will always remember our first grade Christmas concert. Everything was running smoothly, overall we were remembering our lines and even the motions that went along with all of our songs. Then it was almost time for my line, my huge debut as a student; however, right then is when I blew it.
I toppled off the top riser frantically trying to make it to center stage. I had made a complete fool of myself. Instead of going nuts about what everyone thought about it, I skipped up to the microphone and said the only thing I really wanted everyone to know, "I tried really hard". Now that got the parents to giggle. At first I was super embarrassed because I thought they were all laughing at my lack of coordination, later on I came to accept the experience and I have learned to smile about it. Lucky enough for me, Mrs. Anderson reminded me I had a line to say and what it was. After reciting my part I, rather gracefully, returned to my assigned spot on the top riser.
In my head the worst part was over and all that remained was celebrating Christmas as a family. I could not have been more wrong. Little did I know my Mom caught the moment on tape. Now every year it has turned into a holiday tradition to watch the Christmas program and pause for some cheer around the part where I lose my balance. I don't mind bringing a smile to everyone's face due to my less that graceful debut; however, I do mind that I was never again allowed to stand on the top riser...

Favorite Vacation

Kiss the Blarney Stone. Ride a ferry across the Irish Sea. Find a four leaf clover.
 If ever given the opportunity, my dream vacation would be to travel to the luckiest country of them all. I am very proud of my Irish heritage so one day I want to see it for myself. To one day walk through the picture perfect medows must be breathtaking...
I have dreamt about visiting Ireland since I was a child. Throughout my life I have done research and dedicated numerous projects to learn anything possible about the country. One of the main tourism attractions is in the Blarney Castle. Inside lies the Blarney Stone. One must lay down and upside down kiss the stone, granting them eloquence and persuasiveness. I wouldn't to it for the old wifestale promise; however, I would take full advantage of the opportunity.
Next I would take a ferry tour on the Irish Sea. Ireland is a island so taking a ferry to mainland is a common ordeal for anyone living here, but to the tourist riding on a ferry is a definate must. I would jump at the chance to relax and spend the afternoon on  a ferry soaking in every detail possible!
Finally I would spend the rest of my vacation playing in the rich, green meadows searching for a four leaf clover. Never expecting to find one, just to give it an honest effort and see if the luck of the Irish has blessed me.
A vacation as described may seem completely irrelevant and like a waste of time to some, but this is the destination of my dreams. I hope one day I can see it for myself!